Tuesday, November 1, 2011

How to BE Superman

After the storm came through this past weekend and took away our power (and heat), I had plenty of "quiet time" to think ... and this strange idea popped into my head...

"What if Superman's powers were within the grasp of every man, woman and child?"

Think about it...

He has super speed, super hearing, super eyesight, X-ray vision, heat vision, super strength, indestructible and is able to fly.  As the TV show says... "More powerful than a locomotive... able to bend steel in his bare hands ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound".

Here is an excerpt of an interview with the "Man of Steel"....

Interviewer:  I've always been curious about the true nature of your Super powers?  Let's start with "Super Hearing" . . .
S-man:  Well, to be honest, it is actually "Super Listening".  Ask any lady what she wants in a relationship and she will tell you that a guy who really listens is a "Superman".  It's not that hard really and I'm surprised that more men don't do it, especially since you just need to pay attention and focus on the deeper meaning behind their words.

Interviewer:  Since you mentioned "focus", I guess the next logical power would be your heat vision.... 
S-man:  My vision's not so much physically hot, as it is psychologically.  Focusing intently on someone else can really turn up the heat in any relationship or draw them deeper into the conversation.  I've been told that when people are talking to me "it is like they are the only other person in the room" ... I like that idea but I need to credit Phil Ripperger with that quote.  It was actually about his Dad, "DJ" John Ripperger, at his funeral service.  John definitely had the power too and I'm glad that I had the opportunity to know him.

Interviewer:  I'm guessing that you can't really see farther than normal, i.e. Super Eyesight? 
S-man:  My eyesight is about 20/40 so, yes, I can see farther than normal ... thanks to an excellent laser surgery on my eyes.  The glasses that Clark Kent wears were actually needed prior to the operation... oh, I probably should not have mentioned Clark.

Interviewer:  What about Xray Vision?

S-man:  This is actually a combination of active listening skills and focusing on what people are saying.  In other words, I can see what is going on "behind the scenes" and this is often assumed to be Xray vision.  Oh, by the way, those are very nice pink thong panties you have on today... just kidding.

Interviewer:  I can see where this is going, so I have to ask... Super Strength? 
S-man:  I am very strong ... want to feel my bicep?  Seriously, I work out, but I'm no body builder.  I prefer to think that my real strength is my character.  I am most proud of my integrity and ability to stick to the values that were instilled in me by John and Martha Kent .. oh shoot, I should not have mentioned them.  I guess super-secret keeping is not one of my strengths !

Interviewer:  So the whole "Bend steel in your bare hands" is just bullshit, right?

S-man:  No, not completely.  Growing up, I used to put up and fix barbed wire fences around the Kent farm ... darn, there I go again ... and I could pretty easily bend the wire... which is made of steel.  The marketing guys kind of ran with the idea and stretched the concept a little.  Everyone assumes that "bending steel" means a bar of steel, but steel comes in many shapes and sizes.  I can do a number on one of those old steel cans ... want to see?

Interviewer:  No thanks.  How did you develop the reputation for being "Indestructable"?
S-man:  Funny story... I was doing a ride-along with a SWAT team ... or more accurately, Clark Kent was... I guess my cover is blown ... and when they hit the crack house there were bullets flying everywhere and I took a couple right in the chest.  Thank goodness I had on a bullet proof vest ... but they still hurt like heck!  After that the marketing folks just had a field day with that story.

By the way, I like Jeff Dunham's joke with his puppet super-hero Super D.  "You can stop a bullet?"  "Yes... once."  As you can imagine, I'm not stepping in the way of too many bullets these days.

On a more serious note, I am not above "taking a bullet" metaphorically.  I've often "taken one for the team" and, in relationships, this "power" if you want to call it that, really shows the other person how important they are when you set the relationship above how you will look in public.  Do you think I worry about how I look to others? Come on... I wear blue tights and a cape in public !

Interviewer:  Now I get it ... how is that you have "Super Speed"?
S-man:  I am able to get things done much quicker than others and many people think that I do the impossible.  Truthfully, it's nothing crazy like "being born under a red sun", I just prepare more thoroughly and work harder than most.  The hard work is rarely seen (as is always the case for successful people) while the results seem to happen "instantly". 

You seem skeptical... What me to show you?  I will run around the building in a blink of an eye... ready, go.  Want to see it again?  It is an old joke... but I still get a kick out of it.

Interviewer:  Finally, what about your "Ability to Fly"?
S-man:  Of course I can fly.  I am a frequent flyer on JetBlue, American Airlines and Continental.  I try to say away from Delta / Northwest... they have not impressed me since the merger.  What were you expecting, that I would take you in my arms and fly off into the sunset?  Actually, I do have two tickets on the next flight to Paris ... interested?

Interviewer:  Any final words for our readers?
S-man:  I guess the point is that we can all be a "Super Man" (or "Super Woman"), if we choose to be.  We all can develop "powers far beyond mortal men" ... or at least most mortal men. 

To be honest, I think the bar for "Super" has been set very low in a lot of cases.  Don't the people in your life deserve you being as Super as you can be?  Think about it !